jimmywellington.com

So, I’ve had a few days off to mess around the apartment. While doing so, I discovered the greatest new site on the internet: http://www.americaspeakingout.com. The Republicans, apparently knowing nothing about the internet, thought it would be a great idea to pretend to listen to the people. Everyone else knew it was a great opportunity to have some fun. So, I created an account and went to work. It was difficult because of the horrible design of the site; it literally takes at least a minute for each page to load, sometimes longer. However, one of my posts ended up making it into the Washington Post story on the trouble with the website. Here’s the relevant section:

But Republicans might want to take a hard look at the suggestion that “we need to reframe the discussion” about the BP oil spill to counteract the “environmental whackos” worried about wildlife. Republicans, this person proposed, should argue that “BP is creating a new race of faster dolphins. These fish are unable to compete against the fish of other countries, but now their increased lubrication will allow them to fly through the water. Faster fish = good.”

In case you’re curious, here is my full post:

We need to reframe debates so that we look better. So many people are making a big deal out the oil spill, and these environmental whackos are all aflutter about the birds and fish. We need to reframe the discussion. Two solutions: The oil spill is producing clean energy. The libs are always screaming about how dirty our energy is. BP is trying out a new technique – washing the oil before refining it. How can washing something be bad? Second solution: BP is creating a new race of faster dolphins. These fish are unable to compete against the fish of other countries, but now their increased lubrication will allow them to fly through the water. Faster fish = good.

Perhaps the saddest response was to my original “idea.”

I propose a multi-level solution that will solve many of our problems. 1. Repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell 2. Form and train elite units of all-gay soldiers, marines, sailors, and airmen 3. To recruit, allow these brave service members the right to get married with 3 years of service 4. Right years of injustice by allowing these gay service members the opportunity to earn the Medal of Honor and other highly sought after medals by putting these elite squads in the most dangerous areas of battle.

These, seriously, were the two, maybe “real” responses to my “idea”

eh. Just a heads up. The medal of honor is neither sought after nor truly earned. It is awarded. No one ‘wins’ the medal. courage and valor is not a race. In the history of our nation thousands have performed acts of courage and valor that would ‘rate’ the medal, not all are recognized with the award. And those that have would certainly never say they won a sought after prize.

and…

The problem I see is that you are not acknowledging that gays are already serving in the Armed Services. I suggest implementing your program for all the illegals that are here in America – so they can earn their citizenship under our current laws. It could be considered a right of passage.

I’m glad they latched onto the real problems with my plan.