Jimmy Wellington
The creator of The Fake news, comedy writer, gadfly. Everything here is original content (except for a few reblogs here and there)
-
I didn’t know there were fags in Japan
As the estimated deaths for the Japanese tsunami continue to climb and fears of nuclear meltdown escalate, many are looking to the sky and asking, “Why God? Why did you do this?” Apparently, God hates Fred Phelps and Pat Robertson.
“I had received intelligence that suggested that Fred Phelps and Pat Robertson were meeting in Japan to discuss combining forces,” said God. “They decided that they could more effectively hate people different from them if they worked together. Frankly, I got sick and tired of always being blamed for everything bad that happens on Earth.”
God said that he got the idea of a “decapitation strike” in the last decade.
“Hey, occasionally man has a really great idea,” God said with a shrug. “Just like the dyslexics say: You can teach an old God new tricks.”
Fred Phelps leads the widely maligned Westboro Baptist Church, which is a church in the same way Old Navy is a nautical store. Whenever tragic deaths occurs, Fred Phelps and his “congregation” show up to protest outside. They carry signs with Christian slogans like “God Hates Fags.”
“Do I hate fags? Not at all, and I wish you would not use that word,” God said. “I’ll tell you who I do hate. Fred Phelps. I have half a mind to picket his funeral.” -
Is Petra Nemcova ok?
As Joel Chillner watched a Youtube video of an enormous wave of water inundating Japanese farmland, he vowed that he would do something to help. A minute later, he sat back in his chair, looking in satisfaction at his new Facebook status, in which he said the tsunami “totally sucks” and he “really really REALLY hopes those people are ok, or at least know how to surf.”
Chillner is like many Americans who see disasters unfolding around the world and feel helpless. What can he do from so far away?
Fortunately, the internet has made it much easier for people like Chillner to do something to help people in need, or at least feel like they have done something to help people in need. -
This is Sarah Palin’s serious face
Hi, Mr. Vice President. Hi, Mr. Speaker. Hi, Members of the Senate, and of the House of Representatives. And, Hi, America!
Yesterday, December the 7th, was a pretty crappy day, excuse my language. For those of you that don’t remember, those Japanese people bombed one of our patriotic military bases and attacked a lot of people who are fighting for our freedoms.
Before that, we liked Japan. They helped us with another vantage point of Russia.
But, get a load of this, America! After those fighter planes bombed our brave, patriotic men and women protecting our freedoms, a politician from Japan met with our Receptionist of State and gave us a message. They didn’t say anything about the attack! Can you believe it?
